Luckily the water retention dropped 5kg.

But menses and diarrhea hit.

With occasional cough with transparent phlegm that kept me up all night.

So today is another day at home, doing whatever chores deemed possible.

The burning sensation on both arms subsided but lingers. Proves that sunscreen is not enough.

Ladies and gents, i give to you my toe. This is what the meds are doing to my nails. Hopefully once the meds are reduced my nails will grow back to its’ normal glory.

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31. A new journey.

After much contempt, i’ve decided to start blogging again.

Bought some stationary and realised writing can be a biatch as my hands shiver from the effects of meds.

But life goes on. And this is my new journey. Not a positive start but it will get better.

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I hope you see this.

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I’m tired of giving in and trying to make things better.
I’m not stupid to notice the sudden change in behaviours towards me and I’m definitely not allowing you to treat me for a fool.

I do not do things on purpose to spite anyone. I see it as an act of cruelty. I can’t help it if what he likes is so far away from my abilities and that it is so similar.

And pls, stop being perasan. I have a life not related to you at all. Not everything is about you. You probably have issues with letting go cause you seem to be so fixated on what I do.
I must be blinded by your masks you wear everyday that I actually shared a part of me with you, which I bet, you were totally cursing in your mind.

I regretted feeling so desperate in need of help that I have to seek advice from people who cares. Advice given to me were: 1) Stay away and 2) Ignore.

I took the advice and acted on it. I stayed away from your sight but you are still…

So if this gets to you, which i totally know it will, why don’t you tell me what you want me to do?

Cuz I’m sick of being treated this way. I am not bound to you. I am bound to the situation.

Yes, you are rich, resourceful and people thinks you are capable. You totally win hands-down. So what more you want? Why are you being so insecure that you have to start poisoning minds to get attention? Or sympathy?

Seriously, what the fuck do you want.

Fireworks

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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, oh
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/katy-perry-lyrics/firework-lyrics.html ]
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, oh
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, oh
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon