Gone for 6months.

Loads of things happened.

4 months ago, my uncle passed away.

Born in 1942, he left us this year in the month of April.

My grandma almost left for him the night after the cremation. Somehow I think she knew that all of us are not prepared for a 2nd death in the family, hence she fought on.

She managed to recover and was discharged. But in these 4 months, she checked into the hospital umpteen times. By the 4th month, I think she felt that all of us are ready to accept another death.

One night, I dreamt of my grandma talking to me clear-headedly in peace. I woke up feeling uneasy, I gave my dad a call to check if grandma was okay. He said she was having high fever but it went away. I went back to see her, her fever was gone and she looked fine again. The day after, my dad called for the ambulance. She was sent back there, this time for high fever and viomitting.

I rushed down to the A&E, doctor said her lungs were badly infected. This time, both of her lungs are ready to give up. We watched over her in the isolation room. Her heartbeat seemed stable but her oxygen level was on the maximum. Doctors asked us to go home, take some rest and at the same time to bring her documentations from home.

Everything seemed fine. But I couldn’t stop worrying for her. It seemed like a usual check-into-hospital routine (since majority of the time doctors always said she’s in critical condition and couldn’t last the week; she survived 4months!) but the thought about the dream I had, sent shivers down my spine. I still went to work, carrying a load in my heart.

I couldn’t stop crying when I received the call. I rushed down to the hospital, abandoning my work in tears when I was on my way. I’ve received the news too late. She was gone. All I could do was mourn her death. I wasn’t ready to let her go, not quite yet. I had plans to bring her and my dad onto the Singapore Flyer, but the plan was dashed.

Those who were and are close to me came to pay their respects. Some didn’t. Understandable, since it is the lunar 7th month afterall. There are disappointments but what can I say? You see through people when death arrives. Only those who are true to you, stands by you during times like these.

It was devastating to watch my dad weep the 2nd time. Heart wrenching indeed. LIVE actions much heartbreaking than anything caught on film.

I can’t imagine my dad leaving me one day. The slightest thought of it brings ache to my heart, stress to my mind and tears in my eyes…

I’m so not ready for another death…

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