for the next 24hours or so.

phone went to get fixed.

school is… tiring.

especially with the type of people im to mingle with.

especially with the amount of work i have to start doing soon.

especially the travelling time.

especially when work is starting soon.

nothing much to update about school. it’s like any other school days – meet new people, school work, date dues…etc

oh did i mention, there are multi racial bimbos in my class?

did i also mention it’s damn typical high school re-enactment?

did i also mention that it’s damn dreadful to be among one of the “older” people in class?

heng ah… i cut hair look younger orledi. or else they’ll prolly call me auntie or smthing.

especially when they behave like 15year old boys.

especially when the girls are damn drama-mama.

especially when most of them are here to flaunt their assets, tattoos, brandeds, new nails, new haircolour…etc…etc..etc



Double dreadful-ness.

Dad and gf are bugging me to help out with their work again.

I’m to do all those contract shit again.

And Dad just sat down beside me.

INSTANTLY i know what he wants me to do.

Before he can ask anything, I gave him my answer.

NO! Don’t ask me go back there and WORK!”

But you don’t have to travel all the way down…”


Okay,  I know I sound like a fucking spoilt brat, but seriously speaking, he of all people should know better.

I wanted to tell him all my reasons for not wanting to go back THERE and work but nothing comes out of my mouth except the look of disgust.

Utter. Disgust.

I wanted to tell him how much I dread working for Doris.

I wanted to tell him how much it meant to me, to be able to go back to school.

I wanted to tell him how utterly tired I am, handling the problems he’s throwing into my face.

I wanted to tell him how mentally tired I am already.

I wanted to tell him so much…

But I could only say “No”.

I could only reveal the disgust with my expression.

I swear, I really wanted to tell him.

But nothing comes out.


I feel so trapped.

I feel so lost.

So what now? After loaning me the money to finish my studies, now you’re asking me to go back THERE and work?

I feel so fucking lost right now that I do not know what can be done.

I need guidance.

But definitely not such guidance from them.

I feel like screaming. But I have no voice.

I feel like crying. But tears wouldn’t come out.

I feel like giving up. But I’ve only started.

I feel so trapped, lost, confused, angry, upset.

I feel so…


I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. Everything seems so unreal.

Nothing seems solid and focused anymore.

I feel so…


Let me live my own life, please?


4 thoughts on “unreachable

  1. 9: i know it’s selfish of me to do that but it’s really unfair to me. my brother gets to do what he wants (quitting secondary school) and i am to obey whatever they want me to do. I’m quite sick of such treatment…

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