first night of school

here we go again…

hopes all goes well.

nothing too dramatic.

keep a low profile and attend school everyday.

not too low until lecturer dont even know me lah.

aiyah. just want everything to go shun shun li li~~~~

baaah. i hate first days of school. >.<!

fucked up management

I knew they were fucked up all along but i kept an eye closed.

Boss WAS really good to me in the past before CQ closed and shifted and then new outlet open and then now another new outlet open.

I mean, YOU were the one who transferred me to HERE and then now YOU are the one who despised me just because sales HERE is not to your expectation? WTF?! I’m just a nobody (since i work so fucking hard and long for you, yet no position or extra benefits were given to me) in this outlet and you expect me to do the almost impossible? GET UR FUCKING MANAGER TO DO SOMETHING LAH?! Everyday sales not good and you despised me and my colleagues because of that?! Not like we didn’t try to salvage the muthafucking situation ok?! AND UR FUCKING MANAGER! SSSSSEEEERIOUUSSSLLLLLYYYY!!!! He is always pint-pointing others but what about him?! All he know is fuck people up! Do nothing also fuck, got do something also fuck! WAH KAOZ!

I was so fucking sick last night, I told YOUR manager before-hand that I need to take MC but guess what your manager said to me? I’m not allowed to take. Because:

1) destinated cashier on off, I’m to take over.

2) HE is EMBARRASSED to ask for additional help from the busy outlet??! LIKE WTF! THAT KNN AT THERE ALSO DRINK DRINK DRINK ONLY?! AKA ZHO BO LAN, ASK HER COME OVER WILL DIE?!

3) Sick but can come work since cashier also nothing much to do?

Ok, so I gave in and understood his plight. I came work, DOING HIM A MUTHAFUCKING BIG FAVOR, at the end of the day?! I GOT SCOLDED FOR DOING HIM THIS FAVOUR?!!!

Just because I was slower in finishing my job! Just cause he wants to get to the busy outlet EARLIER! The entire fucking time he was standing beside me NAGGING NAGGING AND NAGGING!! JUST LET ME FUCKING DO MY JOB ALREADY! How long I’ve not fucking touch the cashiering system! I’m not doing CASHIERING only! I’m practically doing 3 persons’ job cause because you have bad management skills! WHERES THE OTHER FUCKING PART TIMER?! It has been MONTHS since I last touched the machine and do the entire process for cashiering!

Why do I have to re-check everything 3x?! JUST TO SAVE YOUR ASS AND MINE!!! What if I fucking miscalculated and missed out a fucking step?! YOUR ASS AND MINE WILL BE FUCKED BY THE BOSS! What’s wrong with double checking serious?! I wasn’t delaying anybody’s time BUT YOURS WAD! The other outlet closes at 6 SOMEMORE! It’s only 5AM and you KPKB when I’m still not done?!

If that’s the fucking case, I’ll just have to leave this company. Sick and tired of all the bullshit. This incident shall be the reason for the volcano eruption. Bring in sales for the BOSS and ended up credit goes to the fucking ccb manager.

I really had enough.

you are remembered.

My dad sobbed in the room where my grandma used to sleep in, again.

The room where the bed is now occupied occasionally by my brother and my dad.

Dad happened to took the side where grandma used to lay so peacefully on, in slumber.

He talked to me yesterday about the things he dreamt about grandma. How he felt that the dream is to tell him grandma is a converted buddhist in her world and that she wishes to get her remains cremated when it was time.

Time in the sense that the cemeteries are needed to be cleared. She chose to be buried 6 feet under because she “don’t wish to feel the pain” from the cremation. Old people believe that they can still feel pain even after their soul left their body; or something like that.

I’m not very good with words. There are times I wish I could comfort someone or say something to release the tension in the atmosphere, but words just don’t come out at all. Sometimes I know what to say, but I only managed to mumble in my head. Worst scenarios would be with the BF. Times when I am just to tired to argue or fight back, I will just keep my opinions to myself. After sometime, the outcome can be so tiresome. Happened during work too.

Grandma’s 49th day was heart-wrenching. Almost everyone who could make it, made it. My aunts teared and my dad sobbed. Not use to this atmosphere, especially seeing my dad being so depressed. I was always the one dropping tears and crying out loud in front of him. It is no wonder he chose to hide in the room, reminiscing about grandma by himself.

My cousin mentioned she dreamt about uncle, who (in the dream) was carrying 2 packets of coffee and returning home happily, like someone else will be joining him at his place. Which was very true, because grandma was “brought” to his place. The mother and son’s altar (is this the correct word?) were placed side by side with the rest of my ancestors. I haven’t been dreaming of them lately. I think I’ve never dreamt of my uncle before.

Why am I blogging all these here? Because I have no idea who to tell. I have enough arguments with BF that I just do not wish to tell him all these personal stuff. I’m sure he will understand if I were to tell him but will I get the kind of comfort I want from him? Maybe all I want is someone to “listen” to what I feel about the deaths of my uncle and grandma and no opinions given but BF could take it wrongly and thought I’ll like some opinions with it. It is just so hard to communicate to another person for me. Most of the time, it can be so tiring to even want to get your point across.

I am too introverted to speak.

Damn.

Gone for 6months.

Loads of things happened.

4 months ago, my uncle passed away.

Born in 1942, he left us this year in the month of April.

My grandma almost left for him the night after the cremation. Somehow I think she knew that all of us are not prepared for a 2nd death in the family, hence she fought on.

She managed to recover and was discharged. But in these 4 months, she checked into the hospital umpteen times. By the 4th month, I think she felt that all of us are ready to accept another death.

One night, I dreamt of my grandma talking to me clear-headedly in peace. I woke up feeling uneasy, I gave my dad a call to check if grandma was okay. He said she was having high fever but it went away. I went back to see her, her fever was gone and she looked fine again. The day after, my dad called for the ambulance. She was sent back there, this time for high fever and viomitting.

I rushed down to the A&E, doctor said her lungs were badly infected. This time, both of her lungs are ready to give up. We watched over her in the isolation room. Her heartbeat seemed stable but her oxygen level was on the maximum. Doctors asked us to go home, take some rest and at the same time to bring her documentations from home.

Everything seemed fine. But I couldn’t stop worrying for her. It seemed like a usual check-into-hospital routine (since majority of the time doctors always said she’s in critical condition and couldn’t last the week; she survived 4months!) but the thought about the dream I had, sent shivers down my spine. I still went to work, carrying a load in my heart.

I couldn’t stop crying when I received the call. I rushed down to the hospital, abandoning my work in tears when I was on my way. I’ve received the news too late. She was gone. All I could do was mourn her death. I wasn’t ready to let her go, not quite yet. I had plans to bring her and my dad onto the Singapore Flyer, but the plan was dashed.

Those who were and are close to me came to pay their respects. Some didn’t. Understandable, since it is the lunar 7th month afterall. There are disappointments but what can I say? You see through people when death arrives. Only those who are true to you, stands by you during times like these.

It was devastating to watch my dad weep the 2nd time. Heart wrenching indeed. LIVE actions much heartbreaking than anything caught on film.

I can’t imagine my dad leaving me one day. The slightest thought of it brings ache to my heart, stress to my mind and tears in my eyes…

I’m so not ready for another death…

Update Part 1

It’s about time I update my blog, donch’yall think?

It’s bloody 945AM and I’ve yet to catch any winks.

Kinda just finished watching “PS: I Love You.” in the comfort of my bed, with my blanky and loads of pillow (typical bimbotic behaviour, I know). Thank God I’ve watched alone; I’ll prolly be browling my eyes out and sniffing till my nose is block if I caught this show in the theatres.

Anyhow, I apologise for the extreme lack of updates due to my very upside-down sleeping and working hours. I’m usually pretty exhausted by the time I got home and it is that bad to the extent I hit the sack almost as soon as I’ve changed into my PJs. 

If you’re looking for a fast read to get yourself out of boredom, I don’t think this entry here’s gonna fulfill what you’re looking for. But if you’re keen, do scroll on.

As I was saying, I was watching this film, it kinda reminded me of a certain email I’ve received years before. Not sure if any of you have gotten it, but the content is somewhat similar to the structure of this film.

*Pause blogging.* 

*Proceeds to dig through past emails*

Gimme a sec (mental note to myself actually, I like to blog as if I’m talking to someone you see. Don’t mind me, do continue to read on) while I dig through my emails.

*Flips through Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo Mail, 2nd Hotmail account, Outlook Express*

*One hour and 30mins later…*

Ok! I give up! The content of this particular email is about this widow who received a bouquet of roses for her birthday every year, even after her husband passed away. The husband actually planned ahead of time to have the roses delivered to his wife, accompanied by a letter. It kinda reminded me of this particular email after watching this film. If anyone still has this email lying around somewhere, do email it to me or paste the entire story in my comment section will ya? Thanks a ton.

I’ll leave this update to a part 2 where I’ll talk about some emotions I went through and some past I reminisced, after watching this movie. This entry is getting a little waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy too wordy

Till then, tudos!

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*Actual explanation*

Ok, after looking through all my email accounts, I kinda lost the mood to blog bout what I wanted to blog an moment hour ago.

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~Misses that kiss which happened on the 5th of April 2007~

publicity bliz for Cowboybar

As instructed by Zeus’s left hand man – Jaywalk aka the Sheriff.

Right hand man of Zeus say what, must do what lor.

Now i wonder, is Zeus right hander or left hander?

If Zeus is left hander… Doesn’t that mean that Jaywalk is his….

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I’ll leave it up to your imagination.

Let’s introduce Zeus’s right hand man:

Everyone, meet Mandrake.

For further enquiries bout Zeus is left or right hander, pls join the Cowboybar.

You may just step upon a story much more juicy than this.

moving

Wanted to blog about something else, but recalling and putting it into words will only conjure the demon in me again.

So no point.

Let’s move to something else then.

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Where should I move this space to?

Blogspot again? My abcd3fg blogspot is still around…

.lah.cc ?

Any suggestions from the rest of the world out there?

WordPress kinda limits certain things, which kinda sucked.

Lai lai, suggestions pls!!!

10 things that make me happy.

tio tagged by Jaywalk and Supanova.

If kena tag by one the chances of me doing it will be very very very very very very very very very slim.

Since kena twice, die die must do liao lor.

 I be unique abit, count down to the jin jiah happy-de-est.

Here goes:

10) Have sufficient sleep and waking up not feeling drowsy/restless.

9) Receiving my weekly pay and commission.

Making someone laugh or smile.

7) Catching up with close friends.

6) Plan birthday parties, presents for close ones.

5) Shopping for gifts for close ones.

4) Able to splurge to pamper friends & self with dinner/movie/drinks/entertainments.

3) Thrash a guy in CS/pool/drinking/drinking games.

2) Lend a shoulder to cry on.

Now for the happiest thing that can happen to me…

*drum rolls*

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1) Cuddling in bed with the one I love.

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Really mah… It’s the feeling of bliss ok!

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*crows fly by*

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Abit mushy hor? Hurrhurr.

Understand abit lah, aku now is a lonely single hor… T_T

Not tagging anyone, since almost everyone I know tio tagged already.

It feels good to blog again.

Will blog soon

Abit late but anyways, Merry very belated Xmas and a Happy New Year

*note: might move this space else where.*

Real Age

via here http://plabox.info/real-age/

Hur hur hur…

BOO!

Lets101 – Online Dating

Lets101 – Free Dating

Addictive content in my personality is 80%

Beware!!! people easily get addicted to me

Lets101 – Free Dating

A soul from Venus with a sexual appeal 6.6 of 10.

Guys hold your breath…

Lets101 Quizzes – fun online quiz

OK! Back to being the lifeless creature of the night.